What led you to adoption?
Being in a same-sex relationship, we knew we weren’t going to have our children the “traditional” way. And, knowing we were both in our 40s when we wed, we fully realized the likelihood of either one of us being able to become physically pregnant had its challenges. We both welcomed the thought of creating our family through adoption, which would enable us to fulfill our lifelong dream and also provide a home for a child and help a birthmother in need.
Why did you choose to work with LifeLong Adoptions?
We chose LifeLong Adoptions given their specialization in same-sex adoption and also their more selective adoptive family selection process, which resulted in an increased likelihood of a successful adoption within the two-year contract period.
What were you most excited about?
Hands down the prospect of fulfilling our dream of becoming a family!
What were you most nervous about?
The process itself. It was something neither one of us had any prior experience with and the process is largely outside of our own control. We were fully dependent on a birthmother choosing us, which could be very daunting!
How did your friends and family react to your decision to adopt?
Fully supportive! They had seen both of us interacting with children and knew we’d be fantastic moms and that’s all that mattered to them. However we were able to fulfill that dream, they 100% supported us.
What was it like meeting the birthmother for the first time?
It was the full range of emotion — excitement, joy, stressful, and frightening! We had been connected for almost three months and had extensive conversations via text during that time, but we were definitely nervous since we didn’t want to run the risk of doing anything wrong that might jeopardize her decision to choose us.
Did you choose an open or closed adoption? How did you make that decision?
We chose an open adoption. Our intention from the very beginning was to never hide from our future child the fact that she was adopted. And it was very important to us to maintain a future relationship with our birthmom to ensure that we could all always remain part of each other’s lives. The gift that our birthmom would give us of being able to have a child was such a huge one for us, we wanted to make sure she stayed a part of our lives forever, assuming she would want to do so. We also felt that it would benefit our child to know her heritage.
Describe receiving the call that your baby was being born and traveling to meet her.
We were fortunate enough to be in the delivery room for our daughter’s birth and it was the most miraculous thing we’ve ever experienced in our lives.
Describe the experience of finally meeting your baby.
Pure joy! The immediate love we felt for her in those first minutes was immeasurable!
What is your relationship like with the birthmother?
Very good. We maintain regular contact, texting about once a month. We also set up a private Facebook page so she can see pictures of our daughter when she wants to. We are very sensitive to the emotional highs and lows that our birthmother could face throughout the years to come. Overall though, we are both incredibly grateful for finding each other — we regularly say it to our birthmom and she feels the exact same way about us. If there is such a thing, I think we’d all agree it was the perfect adoption!
What were the biggest challenges of the adoption process?
Probably the unknowns. We didn’t understand the process and with a great deal of it outside of our control, it oftentimes seemed overwhelming. It was also a roller coaster because we were connected with two other birthmoms before and both of those fell through.
Adopting a baby can be a lengthy process — how did you get through the wait?
We had multiple ups and downs during the process. We were actually matched twice before with prospective birthmoms, both of which fell apart. In hindsight, perhaps we were lucky both of those failed matches happened earlier in the process for us, because we honestly both got to the point where we didn’t think it would happen and accepted that. I think that was actually healthy for us. As the saying goes, when you are happy with what you have and stop wishing for what you don’t, what you are looking for happens. That’s exactly what happened for us!
Would you adopt again? Why or why not?
That’s a tough one. We are both in our mid-40s, so age is not helping and it’s not an inexpensive process. I know we’d both love for our daughter to have a sibling, but with how long the process can be, the expense, and the emotional drain that comes along with it, it’s likely we will not.
Do you have any advice to share with other adoptive parents?
Try to maintain emotional balance — don’t get too excited when things look good nor too disappointed when things are going poorly. It truly is a process that is outside of an adoptive parent’s control. As difficult as it might be, maintain faith that things happen for a reason.