How did you decide to adopt a baby?
My wife and I discussed having children before we were married. We really wanted one, maybe two, children. After a year of trying to get pregnant, we were discussing our options and adoption came up. As soon as it came up, we looked at each and said, let’s do it! Immediately, it felt like the right path for us. However, we had one concern. We didn’t know how likely it was for same sex couples to have a successful adoption, so we were thrilled to find LifeLong Adoptions.
Why did you choose to work with LifeLong Adoptions?
LifeLong Adoptions has an amazing success rate and is very supportive of the LGBTQ community. The success stories we read built our confidence that we could successfully adopt as a same sex couple.
What were you most excited about?
It was our dream to one day have a child. The anticipation of that dream becoming reality was by far the most exciting part.
What were you most nervous about?
We were most nervous about the health of the baby or something happening during the birthing process. Nothing else mattered, gender, race, etc. We just wanted a healthy baby.
How did your friends and family react to your decision to adopt?
Thrilled! Our family was very excited for us. However, there were moments of caution from our close family and friends. The process of adoption, whether it works out or not, is an emotional one. Those around us were very supportive and the best advice they gave was to be cautiously optimistic.
Did you choose an open or closed adoption?
We knew there were pros and cons with either route and wanted to increase our chances of placement as much as possible, so we chose to be open to all birthmothers with open or closed preferences.
What was it like meeting your birthmother for the first time?
Exciting because it was a new opportunity for us to connect. Nerve-racking because we didn’t want anything to go wrong. Scary because we had been down this road before and the previous time was a dead end. To help with the nervousness, we went into it as open as possible but somewhat guarded our hearts.
Describe receiving the call that your baby was being born and traveling to meet her.
We received a text message from the birthfather in the middle of the day saying he was taking the birthmother to the hospital. He was certain she was having contractions but would let us know after it was confirmed at the hospital. Minutes ticked away like hours and we couldn’t focus on work. Then the message came through that she was admitted and we left as quickly as possible.
The birthmother delivered quickly. Our daughter was born 30 minutes after the birthmother was admitted, so we didn’t make in time for the delivery. We spent the drive discussing what she would look like, how the birthmother would be feeling, what the next 72 hours would be like, etc. We were grateful that the birthmother was supportive of us bonding with the baby as soon as possible and invited us into her room once we arrived. When we finally saw our little girl, we just melted. She was the most beautiful baby we had ever seen. Even though we knew the next 72 hours would determine if the adoption of this baby girl would be successful, we felt an immediate bond. Our hearts were already feeling full and we had nothing but joy and excitement to be in this moment.
Describe the experience of finally meeting your baby.
She was perfect. We both took turns holding her and immediately began bonding as a family.
What is your relationship like with the birthmother?
We were lucky to have been connected with a birthmother who was fairly open and who wanted to get to know us. She asked us a lot of questions, which helped us all connect. Once she and the birthfather felt we were the right ones, they began referring to us as family. We visited her two times, spoke with her weekly, and text messaged frequently. She was very committed to finding the right family for her baby and we did all that we could to assure her that her baby would be our greatest and most loved priority.
What were the biggest challenges of the adoption process?
The biggest challenge was managing our emotions and staying positive. There were long periods where we didn’t hear anything and we feared we wouldn’t be successful at adopting.
Adopting a baby can be a lengthy process — how did you get through the wait?
We are very active. We love to travel and get outdoors each weekend. We knew a call from a birthmother could come at any time, but we knew we needed to not put our lives on hold either. We stayed busy by being us. We discussed what would be more difficult to do once we had an infant and spent our time doing those things so we wouldn’t look at this time as wasted because we sat around waiting for the phone to ring.
Would you adopt again?
Yes, we would adopt again. It is a tough process both emotionally and financially, but the result is worth it a million times over. Our daughter has brought so much happiness to our lives and filled our lives in ways we didn’t know were possible.
Do you have any advice to share with other adoptive parents?
Stay positive and stay open to possibilities during this process; you never know when the call will come. Be optimistically cautious and keep yourself safe without being closed off when meeting the birthparents. Cherish each moment, the good and the bad, along the journey because it will make the day of placement that much more special.