Lindsay always wanted to be a mother and have a family, while Whitnie did not always think a family was a part of her life plan. It is amazing what can happen when you find the right person. Once we found each other, we talked about having a family together.
Unfortunately, there are not a lot of places that will work with same-sex couples let alone unmarried couples. As we talked to two of our friends, we found out they had adopted successfully with Lifelong Adoptions. They walked us through their journeys and made us feel not so alone.
Starting our journey was exciting! We had so much support, and we were so ready to start our adoption journey. We were optimistic and hopeful as we waited to be chosen. The first month of our journey, we finished the nursery because we just could not wait. Everything and everyone was ready for a little one to join our family.
We started our journey in January, and we were chosen in September for the first call. Nothing can explain how your heart stops when you get a call that an expectant mother has chosen you. When we talked with the expectant mother, we found out her husband had just passed. She was so sad and rightfully so. We were worried we would mess things up, which is just part of the emotions that go into having your first opportunity.
Not having that opportunity work out was one of the hardest things we had been through. There is not a way to prepare for the emotions that you experience on your adoption journey, but taking it day by day helps. Trusting the process is something we learned to do, but it was hard at first. Lindsay is more Type A and likes to control things, so giving up so much control was more difficult than one would think.
Waiting for the Next Opportunity
A year later, we were chosen again by an expectant mother. She wanted to talk to multiple families to see who she connected with. Ultimately she chose us, and we were so excited. It had been a long time, and we did not know if we would ever be chosen again. As we were getting to know her, things came up, and the expectant mother needed more support financially than we were able to make work. Here we were navigating the emotions of another opportunity not working out. We were still hopeful, and we were learning to face loss but to trust as well. People will tell you that it is okay when something does not work out because that was not the baby meant for you. This is true and we believe that, but it is still hard as you learn to let go of something you were so hopeful for.
We were chosen by another expectant mother, and we had such a great connection. Lindsay talked with her often and cannot explain what it was but felt very close with her. She did not have a lot of support and only really talked to Lindsay. She would not talk with the social worker, attorney, or LifeLong staff. She just wanted to connect with Lindsay, which at times could be overwhelming.
She told us that she chose us because Lindsay was a volleyball coach and Whitnie was a police officer. She played volleyball in high school and said that saved her, so she instantly felt connected to us. She also loved that Whitnie could keep our child in line by being a police officer.
We continued to build a relationship and grew closer. We knew she would be induced on a Friday, so the Thursday before, we arrived at the hotel. She called us to tell us that her water had broken so it was time to come up to the hospital. She was allowed two people in the room, and she chose us to be there for her. It made us feel so honored to be able to experience that, and we were so grateful.
When we were in the hospital, we wanted to make sure she knew we were there to follow her lead. We never wanted her to feel as though we were overstepping and wanted her to feel comfortable. It is funny how people think they are so prepared, but then it’s finally baby time, we quickly realize we have no idea what to expect. All the emotions and ups and downs were worth it, though, when we laid eyes on the most beautiful baby!
It’s a BOY
We did not know the gender of the baby prior to the birth. We would be happy with either gender but were excited when we heard her say, “It’s a boy!” Lindsay was able to cut the umbilical cord, and these are moments we did not know if we would ever experience. We still wanted to be respectful of the birthmother’s feelings though. We knew that although this was the happiest day of our lives, there was another person involved that was going through the hardest time of hers.
As Lindsay looked at Whitnie, she could see Whitnie’s eyes fill up with happy tears, and that made her melt. Everything was coming full circle, and it was such a special moment that we can’t put into words. To say we are thankful for our son’s birthmother does not do her justice. Our relationship with her is important to us, and she even called us to make sure we got home okay.
Trust the Process
It has been a few weeks since our son was born, and we love being parents. Trusting the process and being patient are the two things that need to happen in order to make the journey successful. Respect the birthmother, and just believe that everything will work out.
Moving forward, we are hoping the communication will continue because she is part of our lives now, and we want our son to know who his biological mother is. She also has a daughter who is Bennett’s half-sister, so we would love to encourage that relationship as well. We are so thankful for our journey and can’t wait for all the blessings that come with parenthood.