Our Babies, Our Family
We always knew adoption was the path we wanted to take to start our family. We were less interested in using extensive fertility treatments to produce a baby and more interested in enjoying our family. Adoption was simply a better fit for us.
When we found LifeLong, we knew we had hit the jackpot. This was an organization that not only tolerated same-sex couple adoptions but actually championed them. They were supportive of our baby-planning process and wanted us to succeed.
Our family and friends couldn’t wait for us to become parents. They so wanted to see our children join their cousins in our family fun. As our adoption process began, we were nervous and had butterflies in our stomachs as we thought about when we were going to be picked.
The First Time
The first time we were connected with an expectant mother, we were ecstatic. Even though we knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work out, we communicated with her openly and honestly. When we met her for the first time, we felt her pain. For a while, we really felt what people meant when they told us it’s not all roses and unicorns during this process.
Our daughter Hazel was born soon after we met her birthmom. We waited during an agonizing period of signing over the parental rights. During those days after we brought her home, we kept thinking we could lose her, but that didn’t stop us from bonding with her.
When everything finalized, we were elated.
The Second Time
This time around, we knew exactly what we were going into. We were realistic in the way we managed our emotions throughout the process even though we really wanted a sibling for Hazel. We tried to stay positive throughout the process.
When we were chosen by an expectant mother, we knew we were well on our way to completing our family. The expectant mother was open with us, and we were able to connect with her and talk about everything. The first time we met her and the expectant father, we talked for a long time.
Having this deep connection and simply being very open about everything really helped us navigate the process. At the hospital, we were in her room for 36 hours straight. We took care of the baby, but she would hold her too. We all bonded with our baby during the initial hours after the birth.
During this wait, we felt the fear again the second time around. No matter how close you get with the birthmother, it’s difficult to not think about the possibility of her changing her mind about parenting. As agonizing as it was, we were thrilled when it worked out.
What We Learned
We are so thankful adoption allowed us to complete our family with two wonderful daughters, Hazel and Violet. As difficult as it was at times, we were able to overcome the emotional ups and downs of the process. We empathized with the birthmothers and their situations, and we tried to navigate the entire process with an awareness of their feelings too.
Through it all, we were supportive of one another. Just like our parenting journey, we didn’t start out knowing everything, but we learned along the way. With each step we took, we were able to think realistically about the outcome. We worked toward a good outcome for both the birthmothers and us.
Constructing a family is not easy, but, brick by brick, we did it. Our life is filled with diapers, tantrums, and laughter, and we love it. In some ways, overcoming all of our fears during the adoption process helped us live fearlessly as a family. We are forever thankful.