Knowing Our Limits
After three failed rounds of IVF, reality started to set in that carrying and birthing a child might not be our path to motherhood. We started researching adoption, and it was a priority that we connect with a provider that was LGBT friendly. We found LifeLong online and had an initial conversation with them. We felt at ease with their program but were not yet ready to end our IVF journey. We did another round, and after another failure, we took a break from both IVF and our adoption discussion. We chose to go through one more round of IVF, and when that ultimately failed as well, we knew it was time to close the door. We called LifeLong the same day of our last failed cycle, and three years after initially reaching out to them, we started our adoption journey.
The support from our friends and family as we started our adoption journey was overwhelming. Brooke’s dad kept saying how the choice we were making was so much bigger than ourselves, and Liz’s aunt was so excited for our hopefully growing family. Having their support meant the world to us, especially after such a long and draining IVF journey.
Not long after our home study was completed, our profile was selected by an expectant mother. We never ended up speaking with her, which was disappointing, but we knew that was normal. However, we felt time was working against us and that mentally we did not have much left in us; we were really hoping to adopt within one year. We had discussed that if we did not adopt within one year, we would consider shifting our focus again.
The following month, we received a call that our profile had been chosen by an expectant mother only hours from us. It felt fantastic to be given the opportunity to get to speak with her. We started by texting with her, and although our first conversation never got too deep, we instantly started connecting. We spent the next handful of months texting almost daily. She shared photos with us, and we shared parts of our life with her.
The expectant mother had a scheduled induction, and we planned to be there the day before. We did not have a chance to meet her before her induction, but we were at the hospital the morning of and could not have asked for a better experience. We were provided our own room next to hers, and we continued to text with her through her labor. As the labor intensified, we could hear things getting more serious, and the doctors and nurses continued to keep us updated. We finally got the news that the baby was here. She was healthy, and her birthmother was doing great! We could not wait to receive our official invitation to go next door and meet both of these incredible people.
Meeting our daughter, Clare, and her birthmother for the first time was surreal. There was so much love in the room, and our hearts were bursting. It was important to Clare’s birthmother that we got to do all the “firsts,” so after the first half hour with her birthmother, Clare came to our room for the remainder of her hospital stay. We spent the following two days focused on bonding with Clare and soaking in every moment as new moms.
Sharing the Love
Coming into the adoption process, we were concerned about how many unknowns there were. Based on Liz’s experience as a social worker, we wondered if we or our child would face trauma. We are so thankful to have connected with the birthmother that we did. What a wonderful addition she has been! We still have regular contact with her and have video chatted with her for the holidays. We enjoy sharing our love for Clare with her birthmother and the love that she also has for Clare.