our adoption story
How did you decide to adopt a baby?
We had talked about it early on in our relationship that this is something that we always wanted. We talked about it and then we wanted to make sure that we had our lives situated before we did that. Getting married and getting a house and we always had aspirations to have a family once things got a a little more solidified to prepared. It was always something that we had planned to do. We also have extended families and we have seen our siblings with their families and we wanted that for ourselves and solid family ground
Why did you choose to work with LifeLong Adoptions?
Did a ton of research. We didn’t know about anything when we started. We went thru a ton of diff agencies and went thru all of our local options and ll was the most family oriented and the most connected with the adoptive parents. We wanted to feel like we were part of the process instead of it being done for us. First interview we felt like a priority. Everyone listened. It wasn't about you telling us what to do. We felt hear. A solid foundation to work with.
What were your feelings as you began your adoption journey?
Overwhelming-we sat and absorbed everything and to we have researched and learned about the process-exclusive nature of lifelong. There is a ton that goes into this process. Very excited to start and we felt uncertain too. We never know when we would get that call. We were give a good road map but the experience in terms of developing a profile and putting our there in a very vulnerable way and we didn't know what to expect. We had a lot of busy work that kept us moving forward and. The stories gave us a false sense of security. (adopted in 25 months)
How did your friends and family react to your decision to adopt?
They were soo excited and they also knew us a as a couple and knew we wanted us to we started to be more pen the longer . every one knew the the contract was coming to an end and they were all praying and all they were all . OUr families flew to WA with us to meet baby Roman.
If applicable, what was it like meeting the birthmother for the first time?
We got a call 2 weeks before our contract ended. Chris was out of town for his job. Danny got the call. We got an extension to our contract. It was 2 weeks from ending. We didn’t want the journey to end but we didn’t know where to turn. I was home by myself and I called Chris and we decided to call back and see what the. THe call i got was “there is a baby” nicole told us all the info-once she started doing that everything just felt very natural and right. A month prior from a BM who wanted to speak with us and we spoke a few times and just went MIA. that experience never felt right. It was hard but it wasn't surprising. When we spoke to Romans bp we knew immediately. Roman was already two weeks old -it was good but also so scary. We didn’t have the luxury of time and we we jut hd to jump right on it. That was so scary for me because there was no build up. There was nothing prior to that. We talked to the BP the next day-it was very fast and very wonderful. They did name him-Roman Patrick. We wanted him to have something that was given to him by his birthparents.
Did you choose an open or closed adoption? How did you make that decision?
BP originally wanted semi-open. When we first talked we felt like we knew them for years and immediately they sent us pictures. We met them a couple times when they were in washington. We text and and share pictures. We are just rolling with and we just leave it in her hands. We appreciate in her wanting to reach out-we see the value in keeping that line of communication open and we want to honor that the BP gave him life and have all the stuff they gave him in a box waiting for him to have.
Describe receiving the call that your baby was being born and traveling to meet him or her.
It couldn't happen fast enough. It was a whirlwind of events and we had to uproot ourselves from Nevada to go to Cali to got to washington-it wa very fast but very logistically complicated.LL took care of all the lawyers and doing paperwork-we didn’t have to worry abut all that .It wasn't overwhelming the day before we left we had nothing and we went to Target and the lady was there and bought him back to meet her.
Describe the experience of finally meeting your baby.
We met them at a coffee shop and i think as excited as we weer and overjoyed and there was apiece of caution and they were giving us a gift but also giving up a gift and we were cautious for their sake. We walked into very cautiously. The second we had him in the car thee are no words to describe the joy that he brought to us.we wanted to protect their feelings and we didn't want to be over. They were equally as mindful of our feelings and our journey and it wa very surreal-we had dreamt bout what it all would love like and when it happened it far surpassed any expectations we ever had. It felt like a dream in a way. They are just so excited to meet us and our family and were so happy for us and it affirmed their decision =and for us we started to feel more comfortable and they know that he is in good hands. THey felt they made the right choice. We ended up staying n WA in for 3 more days. We weren't allowed to fly back to Nevada-so we fly to Cali and we stayed with family-family helped us learn how to care for the baby.
What were the biggest challenges of the adoption process?
The wait -having to be realistic about next steps. Every month that went by-we still have a year and we still have a months etc. we thought there was time-6mo later we got married. As the contract got closer to edn-accepting that this may not work out and admit to that and it was so difficult because we had envisioned what we wanted and it was hard to accept it want happening. Being real-the call may not have come-all the what ifs.
Adoption can be a lengthy process — how did you get through the wait?
We had not been contacted for 2 years -it was so hard to get thru the wait. The 2nd fathers day we went thru was the hardest and it was nearing the end of the contract. It was very discouraging to say the least. 98% placement and we feared being tht 2%. We had each other nd family and friends to help us thru it. It was the longest 2 years of our lives. We knew it was meant to be. We knew we would be parents. We didn’t know how or when or why or what and we used that to motive us.
Would you adopt again? Why or why not?
We had always talked about siblings before Roman came and if that opportunity came we don’t want to take that from someone else who else . BM contacted us in Nov because she was pregnant again-she asked if we wanted to adopt this one too-and we wanted to be able to have the same experience that.
What advice do you have to share with other adoptive parents?
People always told us”you have to let life continue and you cant sit and wait” it was so hard and we didn’t do that. After the wedding it was all the waiting game-it was so important to do that-we would have taken the 2 years prior we would have done something different. Try to embrace life and enjoy it and life until that baby will arrive. Have faith that it will happen. For us there was always an element of hope but also knowing that a closed door is valuable as an open door. The opportunity that came before Roman helped and we knew it it wasn’t meant to be. If you have a sense of faith that things will work out as its suppose to. If your goal is to be a parent you have to trust. There is always a reason wh and just recognizing that when a door closes it closes for a reason. It was longer than what we anticipated. Everything WILL fall into place and things do have a way of aligning. That child will come to you and having that faith and knowing that was is truly yours will not be denied to you. We would go thru the 2 years again to be given that perfect situation. It was all worth it. Meeting Roman for the 1st time washed away all the heartache.