A Shared Dream Begins
We met at the end of 2015 and knew early on that we both wanted children. It was something we discussed from the very beginning of our relationship. After buying our home in 2022, we got serious about starting our adoption journey and began researching agencies. LifeLong Adoptions stood out to us because of their strong success rate with LGBTQ families. Every adoption story is different, but it was reassuring to know they were sensitive to our situation and had experience guiding LGBTQ parents through the process. We didn't have all the answers, but we hoped they would help us along the way.
As we began our adoption journey, our friends and family were ecstatic. Our parents were excited to become grandparents, and our friends were happy to see us actively building a family. Our son would be the first grandchild on both sides, and we were the first gay couple among our family and friends to have children. Everyone was very supportive—we even had a virtual baby shower planned, but our son arrived earlier, just a week before the celebration.
An Unexpected Arrival
We experienced many ups and downs throughout the adoption process. The birth mother we ultimately matched with was the third we communicated with, but the first official match. Our initial conversations with expectant mothers were stressful—one stopped communicating after a short exchange, and another disappeared after a few conversations. After a quiet period and a vacation, we returned to a call from LifeLong: another expectant mother wanted to speak with us. This time, we entered the conversation with a "we'll see what happens" mindset. The day after our first conversation with her, we matched, and things moved quickly—we got the ball rolling with hiring attorneys and began preparing.
We met the birth mother in person for the first time at the hospital, just after she had given birth. Though we had only FaceTimed maybe a couple of times, we texted frequently during the last month of her pregnancy after she chose us. On Valentine's Day night, she texted us from the ER with back pain, and shortly after, she was in labor. We immediately dropped everything and drove eight hours overnight. She sent us pictures of the baby shortly after delivery—and that's when it all became real. This was really happening! The baby had arrived five weeks early, so it was a surprise and a whirlwind. We thought we had more time to prepare. When we met her the next morning at the hospital, it went well. She mentioned being hungry, so we brought her Waffle House.
The hospital experience was surreal. Since the birth occurred over the weekend, the hospital's social worker wasn't available, and we encountered miscommunications with our legal team. We felt unsupported and uncertain about the next steps. There was a break in communication between our attorneys and LifeLong, and it was a stressful time. What helped was that our LifeLong coordinator was the first to acknowledge something had gone wrong, apologize, and show empathy for our situation. We just wanted clarity—we'd never gone through this before and needed guidance. Shortly after the birth, the birth mother decided to parent. Although we were deeply invested emotionally, we supported her decision and assured her we'd keep the door open for the future if she changed her mind. A few days later, she reached back out and decided to move forward with the adoption. Initially, we all agreed on an open adoption plan. However, after everything unfolded, she opted for limited contact, requesting only quarterly updates rather than visits. We completely respected her wishes.
Meeting Theo
Meeting Theo for the first time was overwhelming—in the best way. He was in the NICU, so we had to follow strict procedures before entering. I (Julius) remember him grabbing my finger—it felt like his way of telling us he knew we were there. It was an emotional and powerful moment. Once everything was finalized and we officially became his guardians, we fell more in love with him. We stayed in a hotel in Atlanta for about 10 days due to ICPC regulations and used that time to continue bonding. After the revocation period ended and the adoption was finalized, we finally felt like we could exhale. Parenting Theo has been a joy ever since. His personality is really shining through, and he acts a lot like us in a way—he's quite the sour patch kid!
Trust, Preparation, and Staying Grounded
We have a positive relationship with Theo's birth mother. When we first connected, she mentioned wanting to be friends. Since Matthew was also adopted, we felt that the more family, the better. While the open adoption didn't turn out as originally planned, we still exchange messages every few months. We know it was a hard choice for Theo's birth mother to make this decision, and we are very grateful for her trust in us to raise him. Recently, she told us we were doing a good job and thanked us for being his parents—for the first time. That meant a lot.
We made sure we were as emotionally and financially ready as possible before pursuing adoption. The process is a lot—even before matching, there's the home study that comes with a lot of preparation and vetting. The biggest challenges we faced were the uncertainty around whether we'd be bringing Theo home and the communication issues we experienced at the hospital. One piece of advice we received during the waiting period was to not focus on it. We knew we were waiting for a match but tried not to let it consume us. We had to continue to live our lives. Julius watched a lot of YouTube videos to prepare, but we didn't actively worry about it.
One Day at a Time
Whether we'll adopt again is a question that changes daily. While we're open to it, we also have some reservations. The last few years haven't always been the easiest, and right now, we're focused on enjoying life with our son. After everything we went through—especially our experience at the hospital—we're giving ourselves time to heal and recover. We joke with friends who have multiple kids and ask how they do it—Theo keeps us on our toes and wears us out! He's still young and a handful.
Words for Future Adoptive Parents
If it's what you want, it's worth fighting for. Give the birth mother the proper space—before and after the birth—to figure out where her head is at and the kind of relationship she'd like to build. We always respected her boundaries and kept the door open. Even during our most emotional moments, we prioritized her needs. Adoption isn't just about the adoptive parents—it's also about the birth mother and her situation. Seeing things from her perspective gave us a lot of grace.
Keep in mind it's a very long marathon, not a sprint—an emotional marathon. There can be a lot of emotions involved even before matching with an expectant mother. We were introduced to other expectant mothers that didn't work out before matching with Theo's birth mother, and even after that, the birth and hospital experience was traumatic. Then came the revocation period, and only after that were we truly parents. We faced many challenges, so having a strong support system—friends, family, people to lean on during both the good and the hard times—was really helpful. There were moments we felt it would have been easier to pause the process and regroup when we were less vulnerable, but we're happy we didn't. Theo grabbing my hand at the hospital was the confirmation we needed—we were meant to bring him home.