Blog// LGBT Adoptive Parents

7 Common Mistakes Parents Make in Adoptive Family Profiles

The adoptive family profile is one of the most important pieces of your adoption paperwork, as it is what a birthmother looks at when deciding on a family for her baby. It's not always easy to try to represent your entire life and future dreams into a few paragraphs. In fact, there there are some common mistakes that hopeful adoptive parents make when creating their adoptive family profile. Be sure to avoid them when making yours!

1. Not So Great Pics

The first mistake you can make is choosing the wrong photos. This means you shouldn’t include any low-quality photos, retouched photos, too many photos in which you look like you are posing, casual selfies, or out-of-focus photos. Show the expectant parents what life would be like with your family and include photos that convey what your activities and hobbies are. The visual part of your profile is important, so try really hard and make your photos perfect. If you are having a hard time finding some good photos, consider asking a friend to take them or hiring a professional; after all, that is an investment you are not going to regret. 

2. Trying to Sound Perfect

Don’t try to make yourself sound perfect. Aside from being disingenuous, you'll come across as shallow and boring. Be honest and open about your feelings, desires, motivation for adopting, and hopes and dreams for your future family. Your honest, heartfelt words will speak far louder than generic, fabricated text.

3. Leaving Important Details Out

Don’t be afraid to show that you’re vulnerable and open in your adoptive family profile. The purpose of this profile is to give a deeper insight into who you are as a family and your reason for adoption. If all you like to do on Sundays is relax on the couch and watch TV, just say it because that is who you are and, who knows, maybe that is just what the birthmother wants to read because she does the exact same thing.

4. Being too Brief

Another big mistake when writing your adoptive family profile is answering the questions with just a couple short sentences. If your partner loves to bake, don’t just say so, but rather describe how you enjoy coming home from work to find the whole house smelling of cookies. Write about how things make you feel and this way you can relate to the birthmother rather than just listing out your likes and hobbies.

5. Writing from One Perspective

For hopeful adoptive couples, a very common mistake is using singular first person while speaking on behalf of both people. It is really important to strive for an equal representation in the profile. Talk to your partner while writing each part of the profile and take turns writing different sections. Or you can write the entire thing from a "we" perspective. Either way, make your profile a team effort.

6. Being Negative

Focusing on your problems in your adoptive family profile and conveying an overall negative tone is not a great way to foster a connection with a prospective birthmother. If you've faced infertility, surrogacy problems, or other related issues in the past, you can certainly mention that because it is part of your journey to adoption; however, don't make it your profile's focal point or express it as your main motivation for adopting. Birthmothers are usually experiencing heavy emotions and stress when they're reviewing family profiles and they want to feel good about the family they choose, so keep that in mind when writing your profile.

7. Not Mentioning Your Future Child

Even though you haven't met him or her yet, it's crucial to talk about your future child in your adoptive family profile. Talk about the values you plan on instilling, things you plan on teaching, ways you'll incorporate him or her into your existing traditions, and new traditions you hope to create. Remember that this profile needs to paint a picture of the kind of life your future child is going to have with you, so don’t forget these important details.

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