Finding out you are pregnant when you were not planning to have a child can be a frightening experience. As reality sets in, you will have many decisions to make when planning a future for you and your child. Take a deep breath - you have options. If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and think adoption may be your best option, carefully consider what it really means and the steps it takes to complete the adoption process. In the end, you may find out that adoption may or may not be the best choice.
So why do birthparents choose adoption, anyway? Birthparents place their children for adoption for any number of reasons. Perhaps you do not have the financial resources to care for yourself and a child. Maybe you already have children and cannot afford to properly raise another. Perhaps your relationship with the birth father is not stable, safe or healthy. Whatever your reason for placing may be, adoption is a huge life decision, and should be treated with careful thought and consideration.
Your Relationship: One of the first things a birthmother should take into account when considering adoption is the relationship she has with the birth father. Are you in a committed relationship? If there are issues, are you planning to work through them? Do either of you already have children (either together or with different partners)? Does the birth father want to take on the responsibility of parenting? These are all questions that need to be answered before committing to placing your child for adoption.
Furthermore, whether your relationship is stable or not, consider what type of family you would like to see your child grow up with. If your situation doesn’t fit the profile, then moving forward with adoption might be the best option. For example, many birthparents wish for their child to be raised in a two-parent household.
Financial Stability: What many birthparents fail to realize is the tremendous financial responsibility that comes along with raising a child. Not only do you have to care for the child with food, clothing and doctor’s visits etc, you also have to plan for the future. Could you provide school supplies, sack lunches, or in the long run, a college education?
One of the most common reasons birthparents choose adoption is because they know they cannot provide the financial stability that a child needs in order to live a comfortable lifestyle. If you know you cannot give your child the kind of life he or she deserves (from food, shelter, clothing, health care and schooling) placing your baby for adoption is a nearby option.
Support System: Many birthparents believe they can care for a child on their own, without the help of family or friends. However, 9 times out of 10 this is not the case. If you do not have an appropriate support system to help you if needed, raising a baby will be a difficult task. Speak with your family and friends about your pregnancy and the possibility of adoption. Are they on board with your pregnancy? Do they accept it? Remember: whether your family and friends are telling you to keep your baby or choose adoption, the decision is ultimately yours and yours alone.
Future Plans/Goals: Most birthmothers considering adoption are within the ages of 20-24 (however some are older and some are younger). With that said, many birthparents are at a place in their lives where they are just beginning to realize their goals and dreams for their own lives. Perhaps you are in high school or college, and feel that a a degree or diploma is a necessity before raising a child. Maybe you have a career, and caring for a child just isn’t in the cards right now. No matter what the situation, ask yourself what is best for the child and their future.
At the end of the day, choose the option that will make you the happiest, and that will also provide the best quality of life for your child. At LifeLong Adoptions, we want to see infants and birthmothers connect with an adoptive family that will meet and exceed their expectations. When you’re ready to get started, contact us or chat with us live!