Blog// LGBT Adoptive Parents

Dealing with a Failed Adoption

Despite your efforts and focus, your adoption did not work out. You are probably struggling right now, and suffering emotionally. Although this has been disappointing, you should not stay in a state of despair. There are many people who have suffered through the same experience, then tried again and had success. You can turn your situation around and try again, hoping that you will be successful in your next attempt.

Take the Time to Grieve

It is normal to grieve after a loss. When an adoption fails, you suffer loss and disappointment. Give yourself time to grieve. As soon as you are notified of the adoption falling through, you are going to grieve.

You need this time to grieve, so you can heal and move forward with the adoption process. Your biggest support throughout this time will be your partner, who is suffering the same emotions. Both of you should grieve, feeling the loss and anger together. These are normal emotions, but realize people deal with them differently.

Take Care of Yourself

When you are going through a traumatic time, it can be easy to neglect yourself. This is a stressful time after being unable to finalize an adoption, but you need to take care of your well-being as much or even more than you did before. Take care of your entire self – mind and body.

When You Are Ready, Accept Help From Friends and Family

Sometimes we all need time alone, but when you are ready to talk, your true friends and family members are there waiting. They want to help you through the pain. Take as much time as you need, and when you are ready, know that you have people who care there waiting for you. You might want to go to their homes to make things different.

Go out to eat at a restaurant and treat yourself to an evening out on the town. If you don’t want to talk to loved ones, think of joining a support group or talking with a therapist. Sharing your experiences with those who have suffered similar losses can be very helpful.

Being Fragile Is Normal

Don’t make rash decisions. You are going through an emotional time. Understand that you are sensitive. Try to think things through. Don’t make bad decisions. Different people go through the grieving process at your own pace.

Learn From The Experience

Instead of dwelling on why this situation happened, you should focus on what you could learn from the bad experience. When you get ready to resume with the adoption process, you might communicate differently with the birthmothers and you might be able to spot issues earlier. You could have a great advantage after having suffered this loss.

Don’t Give Up

We have all heard the old saying, “Try, try again.” If you haven’t succeeded, don’t let it get you down for too long. The failed adoption hurts, but it has moved you one step closer to the successful adoption you are working toward.

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