Dear Single Parents,
If you have made it this far, then you have made some strong decisions to grow your family through adoption. You are almost there! I know how difficult yet exciting this entire journey can be. I went through years of failed pregnancies and infertility, and waited 3 years to be selected for a child placement through the CPS program; I kept getting pasted up because I was a single adoptive parent. I was seeing the journey very dim before a friend referred me to LifeLong Adoptions; he had such a good experience I knew it was worth investigating. At first, I was somewhat skeptical, but immediately after my phone interview with Mark Doyle, I knew I was working with professionals that were dedicated to connecting families together. Mark did an outstanding job of making himself available for all of my questions, calls and emails. My online profile went up right away. Then came the waiting period again. I felt like I could crawl up the wall! I had meditated, prayed... everything I could think of was done. The nursery was ready! I was ready!!!!
I recall calling Mark Doyle and asking him how he overcame the waiting period, and since Mark knew I had waited for so long already, he was empathic yet very sincere and told me to focus on myself, to live my life fully. So then I made the decision to stop viewing the waiting period as punishment, and instead I treated the experience as emotional preparation. And every day in the morning I would sit with my cup of coffee in the baby’s nursery and imagine how I would feel once my baby was in my life. I would let those feelings set in, and I tried not to judge myself. I made space in my life as if my bundle of joy was already in my life; I adjusted my career to really accommodate a baby in my life. I researched daycare, created my support system of friends and family. I started living my life feeling that my baby was already in my life. I kept telling my intimate friends, “my baby is coming soon.” And I believed it!
Then one day, I received that call from Tisa Lamb. She informed me that I was matched with a birth mother only after 3 months, and that it was an unusual situation because the baby was coming within a few days. Tisa was amazing at giving me all the details about the birth mother, guiding me step by step. I went from waiting and waiting… to rushing at the drop of a dime to witness my baby’s birth. I drove to meet the birthmother Megan; she was sweet, open and completely cooperative. I don’t think I could have wished for a smoother interaction. We discussed the birth plan, type of adoption, about her and her wishes for her unborn child. I recall she said “I see this as a gift I am giving someone, and I want that someone to be you.” I was so choked up and lost for words. We thought the baby was coming that weekend, but we were wrong. So I returned to my home state on standby, and then I received a call from Megan two days later that her doctor was going induce her. The baby was already 9lbs! So I took off again, drove straight for 5 hours and all that waiting, all those days and nights of imagining all came to an end when I held my baby for the first time. She was perfect. I was set up in a private room where we spent the first few nights together in the hospital. Then we were required to stay in the birth state an additional 10 days. Those 10 days were the moments I will remember my entire life. So my intention with sharing my experience is to give any single adoptive parents to be at the brink of giving up a new perspective. Dreams come true! LifeLong Adoptions not only handled everything with an outstanding level of professionalism, they are all emotionally attached and dedicated to uniting family through the process of adoption. I will definitely work again in the future with Lifelong when it’s time for number two.
So here for some tips to prepare for this journey as a single adoptive parent:
- Continue living your life and doing things that bring you joy.
- Make room for the baby - emotionally, spiritually and physically.
- Have a good support system, someone that can house sit, pet sit, or sit with you in a hotel room, if your adoption requires you stay away from home.
- Connect with that feeling of already being a parent. It’s a shift, do it often.
- Talk to anyone that will listen to you and your dreams of adoptions that give positive reinforcements to get you through the waiting period.
- Stay open; allow things to unfold naturally. After all it’s a gift someone is giving you.
And lastly, never give up; you will soon get that bundle of joy. I wish you all the love and success in your adoption journey. All the hard steps are worth it! Trust me the first time your baby smiles at you, you will forget everything that happened before that day.
Kind Regards, Yissell