We both knew we wanted to be dads and that as a same-sex couple, our options were surrogacy or adoption. We briefly considered surrogacy but knew it wasn’t the right fit for our family. Once we decided on adoption, we dove into our research. We were new to the process and wanted to learn as much as we could. We spoke with multiple agencies but felt the best connection with LifeLong due to their experience in working with the LGBT community. We were eager to start the process and jump right in. Our families were so excited for us and couldn’t wait to welcome our child into their lives.
Only three months into waiting, our profile was selected by an expectant mother who was due in only weeks. We had the opportunity to visit her in her home state and were so excited at the prospect of adopting quickly. The expectant mother ultimately chose to parent, and in hindsight, there were concerns we didn’t see at the time as we were blinded by our excitement.
Throughout our adoption journey, we were chosen by five more expectant mothers before our son’s birthmother selected our profile. Only one of those opportunities actually felt like it had the potential to be “the one,” but she unfortunately miscarried. We were heartbroken for her, and we still have contact with her to this day, occasionally checking in on each other.
Too Good to Be True
We were hitting an exhaustion point and weren’t sure we could hear one more time, “When it’s meant to be, it will be,” but we continued to power through. When LifeLong called us with another opportunity, we were hesitant. The opportunity felt too good to be true: The expectant mother was healthy, she and the expectant father were going through the process together, and after our first conversation, it was clear how genuine she was. Our communication flowed comfortably, and she was honest and open with us. It was evident how much consideration she had put into her decision, and she continued to reassure us that if we wanted to move forward with this relationship, this was “our” baby.
The expectant mother lived about six hours from us, and we were able to visit her after a couple weeks and spent the weekend with her and the expectant father playing board games. We found we had a lot in common, from our music tastes to our views on parenting styles. We left that weekend feeling reassured for the first time that this may be our successful adoption.
The expectant mother was induced a couple weeks later, and from what we were told, she was a rockstar. We were unable to be with her for delivery, but we were able to have our own room for visitation. Meeting our son, Jet, for the first time was overwhelming. Rob was overcome with emotion, and Thomas was so excited. We couldn’t believe we were finally dads, but we also knew the reality was that Jet’s birthmother could still choose to parent.
When Jet and his birthmother were approved for discharge, we all left the hospital together and had lunch together that afternoon. We knew that consent signing was happening the next day, and we wanted to spend as much time together as we could. Jet’s birthmother had originally requested a closed adoption, and while she was starting to consider a semi-open adoption, we wanted to build as many memories as possible.
The next morning, after consent signings, we finally called our immediate family members to share with them the news that we were dads! They knew we had been working with an expectant mother, but after our emotional journey, we were more reserved with this opportunity. Our parents were blown away that they had a new grandson to welcome and could not wait for us to return home so they could meet Jet.
Since Jet’s adoption, we have been able to remain in communication with his birthmother through occasional photo updates. We are thankful she has continued to show interest in Jet’s life, and we cannot wait to share with him about her life as he grows older.
We knew coming into adoption that this process was not just about ourselves and that we were going to open ourselves up to someone else. We knew this was going to be a journey that was not always going to be perfect but that it would be worth it in the end. Our patience was tested throughout the process, but we cannot imagine our lives without Jet and are thankful every day that we pushed through those difficult days.