Blog// LGBT Adoptive Parents

Writing a Letter to Your Baby's Birthmother

If you are trying to build your family through adoption, chances are high that you are familiar with what is known as a letter to a birthmother. This letter is your chance to paint a portrait of yourself, describe your life, family, home, interests, your reasons for adoption, and the future you can offer to their child.

Since you will hope that the birthmother will feel a connection with you through the letter and eventually choose you as parents for her child, it is normal to feel anxiety while writing such a letter. This letter will go at the top of your adoptive parent profile, and here are a few tips on writing it!

Strive for simplicity.

It is best to keep the language simple and the sentences short and to the point. Express your genuine desire for a child and the love you can provide in a simple, concise, and clear way.

Paint an honest picture of your life.

Write about your job, interests, your favorite hobbies, and activities. When you are describing something, use concrete examples and make sure to mention things you want to do with your child. Your goal is to connect with the birthmother, not to share your entire life with her. There's no need to mention all the details about your childhood, education, friends, family, and other things.

Talk about the future.

When choosing an adoptive family, a birthmother wants to be able to picture what her baby's childhood will be like. Talk about the sort of things you are excited about doing with your baby in the near and distant future, what family traditions you plan to share, and how you plan to incorporate your child into your existing family life.

Don’t make assumptions about the reader.

Birthmothers choose adoption for a wide variety of reasons. Statements like "This must be the hardest decision in your life," do sound empathetic, but there is no place for them in a letter to a birthmother since you can’t read her thoughts or know how she feels. Rather use a more supportive tone and mention how it must take a lot of emotions and energy to make such a decision and how you admire her courage.

Let your personality shine through.

You can start your letter to the birthmother by simply saying “Hello” or some other more informal solution. Make sure to use your first names throughout the letter, and don’t be afraid to let your personality, warmth, sense of humor, and spirit come through. This is what will make your letter unique and stand out among the rest.

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