It’s difficult to generalize the impact of adoption on all birthmothers, but still there are some feelings and emotions this particular situation usually brings. Some women experience grief, guilt, or shame. Some birthmothers find it extremely hard to move on with their life after the adoption. This is a normal reaction to loss and you need to be aware of that. If you create a post-adoption plan before your baby is born, you can move forward in a healthy way.

 

  • Your post-adoption plan is extremely important because you shouldn’t forget about yourself and your feelings in the adoption process. It’s not easy to cope with adoption stress and you may think there’s no need to create such a plan before the baby is born. If you do prepare in advance, you can handle post-adoption stress easier.
  • This plan can change everything since creating it involves a great deal of self-reflection. And it’s never too soon to start questioning yourself about your fears and hopes.
  • Before writing your post-adoption plan, do some reading and find stories from other birthmothers who shared their post-adoption stories. Try to find all the ways adoption has affected other birthmothers. When you know what the effects are, it’s going to be easier to recognize them once they appear.
  • Education is the key when it comes to writing post-adoption plan. You’re not alone in your loss, so read birthmother blogs and websites. Also, get recommendations for books that are exploring the topics of grief and loss and how to cope with that.
  • Think of this plan as of something positive. Write down all the things you want to do. Start with small things that make you happy and write them down since sometimes it’s easy to forget about the small things, and include things that are in your to-do lists for a long time.
  • Beginning a new activity, like a dance class or yoga, will help you focus your energies on something healthy for you, and they'll also help you to move forward as you're doing something for yourself.
  • Concentrate on your goals and plans for the future. Consider what you want to start working towards. Maybe you want to go back to school or work.
  • Many birthmothers find it useful to keep a record of their thoughts, experiences, and feelings. You can also join a growing community of birthmothers who are willing to share their story. If you don’t want to write a blog or publish your story, you can always write a journal to keep a focus on your feelings.
  • It's important to find support in a way that feels right for you. Lean on your friends, family members, or other birthmothers.
  • After the adoption, take as much time as you need to overcome the emotions that a post-adoption brings. Don't push your feelings aside or ignore them - understand they are completely normal and accept them. Then turn your focus on the incredible gift you gave a family and then you can begin moving forward in a healthy way.
  • If you feel like you're losing control of your emotions or starting to experience symptoms of depression, seek help immediately. Speak with a trusted friend or family member, seek professional counseling, or contact our birthmother hotline - we're available for you 24/7.