Blog// For Birthmothers

How to Communicate with a Birthfather about Adoption...

In most cases deciding to place your child for adoption is a challenging decision. But in the event that adoption seems like your best choice, you may find yourself contemplating how to tell the birth father about that option. In most cases, the father doesn’t have the right to stop his partner from opting for adoption, but it’s a sensitive topic nevertheless. Here’s what you can do to make sure you communicate your feelings and plans in the best possible way.

1. Prepare what you’re going to say.

You’ve made your decision and you know all the reasons behind it, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready to talk about them. What makes it even more difficult for you is not knowing how the father of your child is going to react. This is why it’s of the greatest importance to think about what exactly you’re going to say. If it’ll make it easier for you, take a piece of paper and write it all down. You shouldn’t spare any effort in preparing for the conversation.

2. Let him know it’s not just a thought.

The second most important thing to do is to act in accordance with your feelings. If you’re certain adoption is the best choice for both you and your baby, you need to let the father know you’ve made up your mind. Try to avoid making it sound like your decision is just a passing thought; in order to do this, steer clear of saying stuff like “It would be,” “It might be,” “I believe” and so on. Instead, say “It is.”

3. Inform him about his rights.

Before you even arrange a meeting with the birth father, do some research on parental rights. In some cases, the partner has a say in what happens with the child after they’ve been born. For example, if he expresses a wish to support the child and provides some kind of proof that he’d be able to pull it off, the system might grant him the right to do so. Either way, when you engage in communication about adoption, you need to have this information prepared.

4. Leave time for a discussion.

What if the birth father doesn’t want to take care of the child, but still wants to be able to see them? To answer questions like these, do some research on open adoption. Tell the father there are plenty of options that would allow him to stay involved, both in the adoption process and the child’s life after they’ve been placed with the adoptive family. If you can, try to come to an agreement to make it easier for both parties to proceed.

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