Blog// For Birthmothers

Adoptive Parents: Encouraging Birthmothers


If you want your adoption to go smoothly and to avoid having any regrets, there are some things you need to keep in mind. First of all, the adoption process is a very emotional time for both the adoptive parents and the birth mother. Your role as an adoptive parent is not only to paint yourself in the best light; you should also try to do whatever you can to truly empathize with the birth mother and to make the whole situation easier for her. These are just a couple of pointers for you to follow if you’d like to make that happen.

1. Get to know her.

You’ll have a lot of trouble trying to help someone you know nothing about. And although you won’t have time to truly get to know the birth mother of your adopted child, you’ll have enough to understand her reasons. Getting to know her allows you to both ask the right questions and give the right answers. By doing so, you’ll be able to set proper foundations for building a solid relationship.

2. Let her know what you think about her.

Once you’ve gotten to know each other, you’ll need to start sharing your perceptions on the matter at hand, the adoption in which you’re both involved. Your goal is to empower the birth mother to feel comfortable with her decision, and in order to do that, you need to show empathy. One of the best ways to do it is to be understanding. Try to help affirm her in her decision to pace her child for adoption.

3. Talk about the future.

Birthparents will be concerned about the future that you're providing for their child. Try to make your intentions clear about your real desire to provide this new family member with security. Also, do your best to show that you honestly care about the birthmother's perception about her adoption being secure as well. She will have a lot on her mind and might even feel emotionally and physically fatigued. Do your best to help her to feel at ease and more than anything display a helpful demeanor rather than a persuasive one. She is the only one that will be making the decision to adopt in the end, and she will organically arrive at the place where her adoption decision is right for her. Be yourself and be patient with her. Sensitivity is the most important factor when you are both developing a relationship. Even if you are a direct person by nature, keep in mind you should think about the implications of your engagement with your birthmom. Understand all of the potential outcomes of your communication style and the way it could come off to more sensitive personalities.

4. Keep her updated about the child.

This will make her feel a lot more relaxed during her process. After all the papers have been finalized, if it is an open adoption, make sure to keep her updated about the child’s progress. Diligence about this is usually very healthy for the terms of your agreement, and it should help her be at ease with making progression in her own life moving forward. Knowing that her child is growing and living with an abundance of love and family can be very comforting.

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