If you’re interested in a semi-open or fully open adoption, you will be communicating with your baby’s adoptive family to some extent before, during, and after your baby is born. Some relationships between a birthmother and her adoptive family feel awkward at first, but after some time and effort, most relationships grow to become strong and meaningful for all involved.
If you’ve already met or talked with your baby’s adoptive family, it’s a good idea to continue communicating with them throughout your pregnancy. That way you’ll get to know each other better and form a solid, healthy relationship you can build on after the adoption.
We encourage you to be as open with your adoptive family as you are comfortable with. A good starting point is to figure out what level of openness you are all comfortable with before, during, and after the adoption. Consider the following questions during your discussion.
During Your Pregnancy
- What types of communication work best for all involved? Would you like to have in-person visits? Would you like to communicate via phone, text, email, and/or social media?
- Would you like any of the adoptive family members to accompany you to any of your doctor’s appointments?
- Will you be sending the family any updates about the growth and development of your baby? What about ultrasound pictures?
During and After Delivery
- How will the adoptive family be notified when you go into labor or when your baby is scheduled to be delivered? You can tell them directly or we can notify them for you.
- Would you like any members of the adoptive family in the room with you when you deliver?
- How much time would you like to spend with your baby in the hospital after birth?
After the Adoption
- How often would you like to receive updates from the adoptive family? What do you expect these updates to include?
- Would you like to have in-person visits? If so, how often?
- Would you like to give the adoptive family a picture of yourself and/or the birthfather, a letter, a video recording, or something else for them to share with your baby in the future?
- Would you consider providing the adoptive family with your family’s medical history and the birthfather’s medical history if possible?
If you iron out these details early on, all of you will be on the same page throughout the adoption process, which helps avoid misunderstandings or hard feelings along the way. While making these decisions, it’s important to set clear boundaries, show respect, and be guided by what is best for your baby.