Blog// LGBT Adoption

The Birthfather Connection

There are many benefits that come with keeping in contact with a child’s birth father. It helps to establish a sense of connection for the child and allows them to develop a deeper understanding of their identity. Open communication also gives the child and parents access to important genetic and medical information that they might not have access to in a closed adoption. Additionally, communicating with the birth father is way of preserving the child’s connection to family, culture, and ethnic heritage.

Decide How You Want to Communicate

In today's day and age, there are many ways to communicate. Of course, you have the option of meeting in person, but there are also many alternative methods of communication, including talking over the phone, social media, email, and text messages. It’s important to decide which form of communication is the best fit for you and your family. Each adoption process is different and has its own needs.

Meeting in person gives the child a chance to develop a relationship with the birth father that is hard to form through other methods of communication. It also helps avoid any misunderstandings that might occur, as it’s easier to see facial expressions and understand intent.

Communicating over the phone can help the child develop a relationship with the birth father when distance makes meeting in person difficult. It is also a way of keeping the parents informed. Talking over the phone might be your best option if circumstances get in the way of meeting in person.

Social media is a useful way of sharing information about your daily lives and is an effortless way of communicating if you aren’t comfortable meeting in person. It is also a quick and straightforward way of sharing photos and other content.

You always have the option of communication through email or texts, although it isn’t necessarily the ideal situation. However, it does allow more privacy and control over when to reply.

Make Sure to Ask Questions

An easy way to establish communication and get the conversation flowing is by asking simple questions. Here are a few examples of topics you could consider asking about:

  • Health
  • Life changes
  • Exciting news
  • Interests and hobbies
  • How would he like to be described to the child?
  • What wishes does he have for the child’s future?

Be an Active Listener

It’s important to show the birth father that you are interested in what he has to say. Stay engaged in conversation to reassure him that he is being heard. Pay attention to thoughts and feelings he might bring up and take any fears he may have into consideration.

It’s Okay to be Nervous

Communicating with your child’s birth father can be a nerve-wracking experience, but remember that it is okay to be nervous. Try to relax and be as open as possible. Try talking about the child’s present and future, and don’t forget that both parties are likely to have questions and concerns. With a little effort and a lot of focus on communication, you and your child’s birthfather can establish a relationship for the good of your child.

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