LGBT Adoptive Parents

Questions to Ask Your Child's Birthmother

If you're going through the process of adoption, it's only natural to be curious about who the birthmother of your child is. It's only natural, being that she's giving you one of the best gifts imaginable. In addition, you may feel a personal connection with your future birthmother that's unexplainable. This connection leads to a strong curiosity that's hard to knock.

Often times, agencies suggest that the birth mother and adoptive parents meet and get to know each other. This not only boosts your personal bond, but it also gives both parties peace of mind regarding their decision.

Naturally, though, this issue sparks a lot of anxiety. The adoptive mother may not know what to say or even how to process the magnitude of this situation. In addition, it's best to have the answers to your most pressing questions in order to plan accordingly. This will give you, and the birth mother, clarity going forward. Establishing clear lines ahead of time will help to avoid challenges and unnecessary conflict.

If you're in this situation and want to plan accordingly, take into consideration these helpful questions. This will help make the adoption process smoother and give you and the birth mother peace of mind.

Personal Questions

1. Where are you from?
2. What hobbies do you enjoy?
3. What's your family like?
4. Do you have any pets?

Pregnancy and Adoption Questions

Since these questions are a bit personal, it's best to approach them with caution. You would hate to make your birth mother feel uncomfortable or attacked. Use these questions at your discretion so as to promote a healthy environment for communication.

5. How is the pregnancy going?
6. What's your birthing plan?
7. Are you nervous about the upcoming birth?
8. When is your due date?
9. How does your family feel about your decision?
10. What made you choose adoption?
11. What made you choose our family?

Questions About the Future of the Child

12. Would you like to have contact with the child?
13. Do you have any requests for the child's future?
14. Do you have name preferences?
15. How often would you like to communicate?
16. What are your future goals?
17. Do you have support from other mothers?
18. Would you like to continue a relationship after birth?

Often times, it's best to spread these questions out into multiple visits, as this many questions may be overwhelming in a single visit. Perhaps plan a few key visits that will give you all the opportunity to get to know each other. Try to keep the environment casual so as not to cause any tension.

Your ultimate goal is to have the smoothest adoption process possible. You wouldn't want your birth mother to feel like her child is going to the wrong home. Therefore, it's imperative that you take these questions, how you present them, and when you do so seriously. You'll find that taking these additional steps will improve your relationship with your child’s birthmother and help ensure a smooth adoption process.

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