Whether the adoption is closed, semi-open, or open, placing their child for adoption is one of the hardest decisions a birth mother will ever make. A decision that is made out of love and selflessness, the gift of a child is something an adoptive parent(s) should never take for granted. In this article we’ll be looking at some of the key points that many birth mothers want the adoptive parents of their child to know.
What is it Like to Place a Child for Adoption?
Birth mothers want you to put yourself in their shoes for a moment. They have carried a child for 9 months, or even parented that child for a time, and are now left returning home from the hospital with empty arms, or returning to an empty home. For many parents this would be their worst nightmare, and yet the birth mother of your adopted child has done this selflessly, as they know for whatever reason that their child will have a better chance in life living with you, and receiving your love, care, and parenting.
The birth mother may have feelings of guilt or loneliness, despite having done a wonderful thing that they should feel guiltless for. If your adoption is semi-open or open, now is the time to be there for them, and offer them reassurance and kindness, to help them through what is probably one of the most difficult times of their lives, and yet the happiest for you.
What Influenced their Decision to Choose One Couple Over Another?
Overall, what makes a birth mom choose a family to place her child with is a connection, something that just clicks. Be this the adoption style, the parenting style, the adoptive parents attitude, or faith or other beliefs, there is usually some spark which makes those individuals stand out in the birth mothers mind over other hopefuls.
If a birth mother declines you, or multiple birth moms, do not see it as a slight, as the mom is really grateful and thankful for your interest in her and her child; she simply feels you aren’t the right fit for her child, and instead would be perfect for someone else.
What Can Adoptive Parents do to Make the Hospital Time Post Birth a Little Easier?
With all the excitement that surrounds a new arrival, adoptive parents can get swept up in the new baby, and be neglectful of the birth mother. Birth mothers want you to know that they are still people, and at least until the final papers are signed, and for many, forever more, they are still that child's mother, and not just part of the hospital room decor.
Adoptive parents should acknowledge the mother, thank her, check on her, and make sure she is comfortable and happy. If she wishes, and if the adoption is to be open, give her time to bond with the child, as well as you, as the chosen parents for her child.